Absolute Power

Pearls Before Swine

It’s almost February.  I know a couple of people here who got their tenure letters in February.  My previous officemate got his in April, but still. . . people have gotten them in February.  And so I wait, and I imagine.  Will it be a personal delivery to my office?  To the writing center SS and I worked so hard to put together?  To a class?  Or will I walk in one morning, fresh from sliding my way atop the ice-covered parking lot, coffee slops splattered onto my sleeves, to find a letter on my paper-covered desk?  (Note there is no possibility here of not receiving a letter.  I cannot entertain such a thought.)

The silly thing about my eagerness for that letter is that really, it changes very little.  Yes, it gives me some deal of job security.  I think it may mean fewer reviews by and meetings with my department chair.  But it doesn’t have anything to do with my pay.  And it’s not like I’m going to be one of those people who gets tenure and then completely disappears from campus.  I won’t actually get away with stealing from people’s homes–not that I would do it anyway.  So really, what’s the deal with all the build-up?

These lovelies are the deal:


These will be my tenure gifts to myself, and I’ve been planning for them for months!  Is it too much to ask that they just hurry up and get me my letter already so that I can get my bag and my Chucks?


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