Drumroll, please. . .

Ok.  I finally found it–a word that resonates with my hopes for the year and that feels right.

I get so caught up in silly, trivial little time- and energy-sucks that I forget to really live.  And for me, living means doing the things I love, things that make me feel good, with intent and with full awareness and appreciation.  I constantly struggle with the disparity between the way I actually spend my time and the way my priority list (on paper) is arranged.  While I appreciate the poetry, I definitely don’t want to become some cliched embodiment of a John Lennon lyric.

This one’s going to take some work. . . some seriously deliberate and self-conscious work.  It’s so easy for me fall into auto-pilot getting-things-done mode.  I know work has to get done.  I have to be a dedicated teacher to feel good about my work.  I have to have a clean house to feel good about my home.  But procrastinating by checking facebook and e-mail multiple times a day or mindlessly staring at a tv screen tuned to a show I don’t even enjoy is just silly.  It’s also pretty embarrassing and unappreciative.  Shame on me.

I want to live like I’m on EBtv — like everything I do (y’know. . . except the bathroom stuff) is visible and public.  Seriously, I would be mortified if people saw the ridiculous things I do to waste time, and wasting really is what it is.  I’m not talking about spending every waking moment of every day doing something productive.  I’m just talking about not wasting anymore moments.  I would have no problems with people seeing me blog, read good novels, watch my favorite tv shows, or eat desserts because those things bring me pleasure.  I just need to cut out all of those activities that do nothing for me other than help me pass the time.  And changing my stance on passing time as a desirable activity might be a good start.

So there you go.  That’s the word for 2010. . . a few days late.


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